Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Eighth Beginning: The Two Habits of Highly Effective Gully Dwarves

Grovel Early/Grovel Often:  Groveling, and other signs of abject cowardice, reassures possible attackers that you will not attack them and that you are probably willing to work for them.  This makes them much less likely to kill or maim you.
Fall Between the Cracks:  Develop a taste for food and clothing that no one else wants.  This removes ‘Removing the Competition’ as a reason to kill or maim you.  Also learn to like sleeping where no one else wants to sleep. 
Carry Good Luck Tokens:  Dead rats work well and are easy to find if you are following habit #2.  Maimed rats work less well.
Befriend the Wonderful:  Magic Users are wonderful and should be helped at all times.  They will do you favors like writing down the effective habits for you.
Save for Later:  This applies especially to food that no one else wants.  Even if no one wants it, it’s better to save some for later, just in case.  Sleep on it if necessary or if it is soft.  If you save it long enough, it’s sure to get soft eventually.
Look Ahead:  that’s where your feet are going anyway and if you don’t look there, you might step on something that you’d like to eat later.  Not that you can’t eat it anyway, just that it’s startling.  You also tend to walk into trees if you’re looking behind you. 
Save this Space:  for when you learn to write.  Not that you’re ever going to. You’re probably just going to use this to wrap your dead rat in, and I don’t want to know whether you mean it to be a good luck token or your lunch.  If it wasn’t raining and I didn’t need someone check the beacon every hour, I’d have slit your throat already.  So here, play with this piece of paper and stop trying to talk to me before I decide that your incessant drivel is worse than the cold and dampness I’d suffer if I killed or maimed you. 

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